Modern Dating Vrs Biblical Dating || Biblical Dating Series

We can make three general statements about modern dating vs. biblical dating in terms of their respective philosophies:

1. Modern dating seems to be about “finding” the right person for me; biblical dating is more about “being” the right person to serve my future spouse’s needs and be a God-glorifying husband or wife.

 

2. In modern dating, intimacy precedes commitment. In biblical dating, commitment precedes intimacy.

 

 

3. The modern dating approach tells us that the way to figure out whether I want to marry someone is to act like we are married. If we like it, we make it official. If we don’t, then we go through something emotionally — and probably physically — like a divorce. In Biblical dating, Scripture guides us as to how to find a mate and marry, and the Bible teaches, among other things, that we should act in such a way so as not to imply a marriage-level commitment until that commitment exists before the Lord.

 

 

I’m supremely confident that as we go back and forth, some — perhaps many — of you will disagree (if you don’t already) or be initially annoyed at some of the  statements made. Ask yourself why. What are you trying to hold onto that you think this approach will take from you (privacy, autonomy, a secular idea of freedom or of your own rights)?

I have a particular challenge for those of you whose main objection is that the practical details we’ll talk about here “are not explicitly biblical”: think about the details of how you conduct (or would like to conduct) your dating life. Can you find explicit support for the modern approach in Scripture? Are there even broad principles in Scripture that justify the modern vision of dating (or yours, whatever it may be)?

 

 

The Bible simply doesn’t give us explicit instructions on some of what we’ll discuss. Fair enough. In such a situation, we should ask what gets us closest to clear biblical teaching. In other words, within the many gray areas here, what conduct in our dating lives will help us to best care for our brothers and sisters in Christ and bring honor to His name?

That’s it. That’s a basic framework for biblical dating as best I can discern it from the principles of God’s Word. Now, you’re on.

 

As evangelical Christians, we’re called to be distinct in the ways we think and act about all issues that confront us and those around us. This topic is no exception. So, is there such a thing as biblical dating? If so, what is it? How can Christians think differently about this pervasive issue in media and culture? How are we doing so far?

The answer to that last question is “not well.” Surveys consistently indicate that professing Christians behave almost exactly like non-Christians in terms of sexual involvement outside of marriage (in both percentage of people involved and how deeply involved they are — how far they’re going), living together before marriage, and infidelity and divorce after marriage. In fact, depending on which statistics one believes, the divorce rate for professing Christians may actually be higher than for Americans as a whole. Granted, not all of these people are evangelicals, but we’re not doing so well either. Indeed, the central issue we need to confront — and the reason I write and speak on this topic — is that when it comes to dating and relationships, perhaps more than in any other area of the everyday Christian life, the church is largely indistinguishable from the world. That truth has brought immeasurable emotional pain and other consequences to many Christians. Worse, it has brought great dishonor to the name of Christ and to the witness of individuals and the church.

It doesn’t have to be this way. For Christians, the Lord has given us his Word, and the Holy Spirit helps us to understand it. We have brothers and sisters in Christ to hold us accountable and to help us apply the Word to our lives. If you’re a Christian, that’s the biblical life you’re called to.

No question is too broad or too specific, too theoretical, too theological, or too practical. Agree with what I’ve said, or challenge it. This is how iron sharpens iron.

 

Just remember one thing: we’re in this together — for His Glory.

Modern Dating Vrs Biblical Dating || Biblical Dating Series

Introduction To Biblical Dating || Biblical Dating Series

Looking for a completely countercultural path to marriage?

Here’s how to apply God’s Word to dating, finding a spouse and getting married.
The system that young men and women have inherited today for finding and marrying a future spouse leaves a lot to be desired. We often hear complaints from people about the confusion, hurt and sexual sin they’ve encountered despite their best intentions. Many want to know how they can go about getting to know someone and eventually getting married without getting hurt or compromising their faith.
In some cases, Christians can apply their faith in such a way that they can still work within the system they’ve inherited. In others, it has been stressed that Christians need to be much more counter-cultural.
People attempting to follow a courtship model within today’s culture, however, often run into a lot of practical questions, such as, “What if her dad is unavailable or uninterested in being involved?” or “What do you do when you live hundreds of miles from your family?”
* * *

If you’re reading this, you’re interested in dating. You’ve done it, you’re doing it, you’d like to do it, or you need to teach somebody else how to do it. Don’t worry. You’re not alone. In our society, dating has become something of an obsession. It is expected to be a universal phenomenon. It’s just something you do if you’re single and of age (and that age is quickly dropping). It is considered the natural precursor to marriage, and is generally considered something to be desired, whatever form it might take.

As evangelical Christians, we’re called to be distinct in the ways we think and act about all issues that confront us and those around us. This topic is no exception. So is there such a thing as biblical dating? If so, what is it? How can Christians think differently about this pervasive issue in media and culture? How are we doing so far?

The answer to that last question is “not well.” Surveys consistently indicate that professing Christians behave almost exactly like non-Christians in terms of sexual involvement outside of marriage (in both percentage of people involved and how deeply involved they are — how far they’re going), living together before marriage, and infidelity and divorce after marriage.

In fact, depending on which statistics one believes, the divorce rate for professing Christians may actually be higher than for non-Christians as a whole. Granted, not all of these people are evangelicals, but we’re not doing so well either. Indeed, the central issue we need to confront — and the reason this topic is important, is that when it comes to dating and relationships, perhaps more than in any other area of the everyday Christian life, the church is largely indistinguishable from the world. That truth has brought immeasurable emotional pain and other consequences to many Christians. Worse, it has brought great dishonor to the name of Christ and to the witness of individuals and the church.

It doesn’t have to be this way. For Christians, the Lord has given us His Word, and the Holy Spirit helps us to understand it. We have brothers and sisters in Christ to hold us accountable and to help us apply the Word to our lives. If you’re a Christian, that’s the biblical life you’re called to.

That’s what this article is about — applying God’s Word to dating, finding a spouse and getting married.

Introduction To Biblical Dating || Biblical Dating Series