What Should I Do When I"m In Conflict With My Husband Over His Christian Walk? Gregory Slayton Answers

Parent’s Question: 

Our kids comment frequently that my husband and I argue too much, at least in front of them.  When I married, I knew my husband was not a spiritually mature person but I was head over heals in love.  This disparity of Christian perspective continues even after more than a decade of marriage.  My husband would rather be at the tennis courts than in church on Sundays.  What can I do to prevent spousal bickering and what can I do to encourage my husband to be more spiritually interested? 

 

Dad Says:

this is a very real problem for many couples.  Uncontrolled anger is the cause of a significant portion of the divorces that occur every year. That’s why it is so important to ‘maintain the bond of peace’ in your home. Yes, you might want to get mad at your husband…and he might even deserve it. Maybe your emotions are screaming out “Why doesn’t he do this or that (or whatever it is)? But you must be wise. Ask yourself, what would Jesus do? What would Jesus have me do? What would a wise woman do?

Believe it or not most men are sensitive at heart. In truth that is a very good sign. If your husband is sensitive to your criticism it means his heart is still open to you. Husbands who have just ‘shut out’ their wives after years of constant criticism and/or nagging find it very tough to open up again. Trust me, you don’t want that.

So please remember that your husband, as tough as he might appear on the outside, really has put his emotional heart in your hands through marriage (as have you to him of course). One of your top priorities, I would suggest, is to take good care of his emotional heart. That doesn’t mean just being a wallflower when he does something wrong. But it does mean finding the right time, the right way and the right tone to help him understand what he has done wrong.

There is a reason the Bible warns us in Proverbs 14:1 that ‘the wise (or man) woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands.” Clearly, our Heavenly Father wants us to be wise, not foolish, in our interactions with our spouse!!

Men, as I’ve said many times in this column and throughout my Fatherhood book (www.BeABetterDadToday.com) we are the leaders of our families. If we want our wife to be kindhearted towards us, we must exhibit that attitude first. If we want her to be loving towards us, she must feel loved and protected. To be honest, those are not my greatest strengths. Maybe they are not yours also. But here’s the great news: our Heavenly Father wants to help us grow in ‘love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control’ (the ‘fruits of the Spirit’ as promised in Galatians 5 verses 22 and 23). Personal growth is never easy. It’s never a good feeling to admit that we must grow up in one area or another. But our Heavenly Father will not leave us as spiritual adolescents.

He wants to help us grow up into the fullness of Christ. And that, as I myself continue to learn, is a very, very good thing.

Onward and Upward!!

Gregory

What Should I Do When I"m In Conflict With My Husband Over His Christian Walk? Gregory Slayton Answers

How Do I Raise My Kids to Fear the Lord? BY GREGORY AND MARINA SLAYTON

Parents Question: 

How are we as a family supposed to raise our children “in the fear and admonition of the LORD” as the Bible encourages us to do in Ephesians 6:4? We have young children and we want them to grow up to be men and women of character, maturity and competence.

Mom Says: 

In our book “Be the Best Mom You Can Be” (www.BeTheBestMomYouCanBe.com ) we talk a lot about raising your children up to maturity in Christ even in the midst of a very difficult cultural environment. It’s great that you are starting young. That is a big head start.

Here are three ideas for you, basic ones but very important cornerstones for raising healthy and well-adjusted Christ-loving children:

1. Be sure that you and your spouse are yourselves growing in faith and hope and love. There is no replacement for the authentic Christian life. As Jesus Himself taught us in John 15, we ourselves must be closely connected to Him. Our kids will see those fruits He promised: love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control.

2. Be sure to love your kids in ways they understand and appreciate. A good friend of mine grew up in a very wealthy home. The kids almost never saw the father except at Christmas when they went on a family ski trip together. The dad felt this was a great gift to the kids — and that they should understand his ‘love’ for them. Unfortunately my friend just wanted to spend time with her dad through the year. And she never got that. Like my friend, most kids spell the word LOVE in a funny way: T I M E. Let’s give them the love/time/hugs/support/prayers they need.

 3. Discipline them appropriately. This is a very big subject, but we should always remember the 10 to 1 Rule. Ten Parts love, encouragement, support, and positive feedback for every 1 Part discipline. Very few parents get this balance right — but it is like magic when we do. Discipline must also be age and child appropriate … and carefully calibrated to the offence.

Finally, we must remember never to discipline in anger. The goal of all discipline it to help our children learn about reality: actions have consequences. Good actions yield good consequences. Bad actions result in bad consequences. All mature adults understand this; very few children do. Our job is to help them understand this iron clad rule (in love).

Dad Says: 

Raising mature, well adjusted, God fearing children into adulthood is a long road. There are no shortcuts — but it is a journey of joy. As you see your children becoming the young men and women the LORD intended them to be: there is no great joy on this earth. Be sure that you and your spouse are united in this worthy goal. That’s important, because you will face many challenges along the way.

In my book for Dads (www.BeABetterDadToday.com ) we lay out the Fatherhood Toolset: the Ten Tools that every Dad needs in his fatherhood toolset. Sure they require effort to master. And yes we are going to make mistakes sometimes. But I sincerely believe that every man can be a good dad. We just need to master the tools. And master the tools we can; with commitment, diligence and love for our family.

The easiest way to ‘parent’ children these days is to give the job to others (nannies, prep schools, etc.). Some dads get so wrapped up in our jobs that we feel we must outsource our fatherhood role. But in the long term that makes no sense. Why would we want to outsource our most important job?

Parenting is not for the faint of heart. But as they used to say at NASA “failure is not an option.” So enjoy the road ahead with your family. Make every day a blessing. Sooner then you know the weeks will turn to months, the months to years and your children will be grown. And if you’ve raised them in ‘the fear and admonition of the LORD’ you will have done something no one else on this entire planet could have done for them.

Well done, good and faithful Mom and Dad.

 

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How Do I Raise My Kids to Fear the Lord? BY GREGORY AND MARINA SLAYTON

How Do We Encourage Our Children to Pray More? BY GREGORY AND MARINA SLAYTON

PARENT QUESTION: In the wake of the tragedy of the terrorist attack in California, my wife and I realized that we don’t pray enough for our family. We realized that own kids don’t really pray without our prompting. Prayer is even mocked by some in the national media today. How can we encourage our children to pray more and not give in to increasing social pressures?

MOM SAYS:  Jesus taught so much about prayer in His short time on earth. He said that His house will be called a house of prayer. We know that Jesus is right now seated at the right hand of the Father making intercession for us. Not only was Jesus the Christ, He was also the first Christian modeling the spiritual life He wants for His followers. During His earthly ministry, Jesus turned to prayer so He could experience sweet and empowering communion with His Father. Also through prayer He promised His Holy Spirit would be released to accomplish God’s will on earth.

Prayer is the most effective, but underutilized, spiritual weapon we have been given. It is no wonder the devil wants us to think that prayer is a waste of time. Modern day sceptics want us to think that prayer has no power—but we as the followers of Christ know that He has great power. One very effective way to attack Christianity at its root is to attack spiritual disciplines such as prayer. I am convinced that this coming generation will experience spiritual persecution on a level we did not. As parents we have to be models of the spiritual life in the same way Jesus was. If we are not prayer warriors we make it so much for difficult for our kids to be prayer warriors – it is hard for our kids to be what we are not. Your recognition that you do not pray enough is the first step: start praying like Paul said “without ceasing” and you will go far in giving your children the impetus to pray themselves to the Father who loves them.

I recently read the memoirs of an American woman who as a child was brought to Russia in the thirties and was imprisoned in the Siberian Gulag for ten years. Incredibly enough, she found God there—her mother was a Christian who never gave up hope and kept praying for her daughter. This woman experienced the Lord’s protection and felt His presence even in the midst of terrible, undeserved suffering. I cried through the entire book because my own mother was a concentration camp survivor whose mother had prayed for her. Daily vibrant prayer is crucial – alone, with our spouse, and with our children. Through prayer we will not go down but up to His glory.

I encourage you to start trying to “pray without ceasing” as Paul encourages us to do. It’s ok when we forget or get distracted, just get back to prayer asap. We can go about our daily business, but with a prayer on our heart and praise on our lips. Give it a try this whole week…and see what happens. Prayer is a powerful key which unlocks huge doors of spiritual blessing. But like every key, this one must be used to open those doors of blessing.

“The prayer of the righteous is very powerful” as the Bible tells us. This promise applies to us and to all who have been made righteous by the Blood of Christ. Don’t let this powerful promise go to waste for you or your family.

DAD SAYS: when I first became a Christian I didn’t pray a lot. In fact I prayed very little, to be honest. But many years later one of the most important things I have learned is the power of prayer. I won’t pretend to know how prayer works—or how the LORD works through prayer. But I have seen lives changed, marriages healed, cancer cured and blessings unleashed. But I also now realize that miraculous answers are only part of the blessing of prayer. And we need to be honest, miraculous answers don’t happen all the time. But there is a blessing that always comes from sincere and heart felt prayer: true peace in one’s soul. The Bible promises us ‘the peace that passes all understanding’ if we present our heart-felt and honest prayers with thanksgiving to the LORD. I can personally attest to that peace. That is a peace that every person needs and every family seeks. It is a peace we can pass unto our children through prayer. Please be sure that you are passing on this gift to your kids. When they are older they will rise up and bless you for having done so.

 

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How Do We Encourage Our Children to Pray More? BY GREGORY AND MARINA SLAYTON