Parenting Teenagers and Earning Their Respect By David Burrows

Parents must communicate.

There is no excuse for not communicating with your teenagers, and here I mean two-way communication. Every parent-teen relationship needs a forum in which conflicts may be resolved. Also, parents should learn to say, “We’re sorry” when they are wrong and to forgive when necessary. Forgiveness gets rid of bitterness.

Parents must take the idealism of youth and help it merge with realism. Youths ask many questions, and parents need to help them find the answers. Parents don’t need to tell teens not to ask the questions. Punishment is not an appropriate way for parents to escape their parental responsibility of face-to-face communication.

 

Parents must prepare teenagers for the future.

Believe it or not, children are only supposed to be with their parents for a period of time. Children are born to leave home. A parent’s job is to prepare their children to leave home. The best parents are the ones whose children are well-prepared to live outside the confines of their home.

As teens grow, they should progressively be given more responsibility and encouraged to start their own lives by planning for the future. The worst thing for a young person who is “mommy’s boy” or “daddy’s girl” is to get married and expect to have the same experiences as in the parents’ home. When that doesn’t happen, the young person may run back home to daddy or mommy.

Parents should not smother young people or prepare them to stay in their house forever. Parents need to learn to commit their children to God. After parents have done what they should and could, there is nothing left for them to do. Parents must exercise wisdom, but remember to let the children go after you have done your best and keep praying for them. Parents must remember that approximately 80 percent of teen learning comes from visual observations.

Teens often don’t listen to what we say, but you can be sure that they are watching our lives!

 

-Kingdom Parenting (Connecting Principles)

Parenting Teenagers and Earning Their Respect By David Burrows

How To Relate To Your Teenage Children By David Burrows

Parents must encourage their children.

Encouragement is a part of nurturing. Parents must be there for their children. You, as a parent, might take it lightly when you don’t keep a promise, but your teens won’t. Let your word be good. Show up for the play in which they are performing. Be at the ball game when they play. If they make good grades, reward them. Even if they make mistakes, encourage them to try again and to do better. If you have good children, don’t frustrate them. I have seen parents whose children are well-behaved, ordinary kids, yet they treat them as if they were the most rotten teens in the world.

Thank God if you have teens who keep their word, don’t do drugs, and are not promiscuous. Give them more responsibility as they demonstrate the ability to be trusted. I have also known of parents who denied their children attendance at a church or youth group meeting as a punishment. Don’t do that. Youth groups and church are the two places where they are most likely

 

Parents need to listen and try to relate.

Another old saying that relates to young people is: “Children should be seen and not heard.” That is simply wrong. Children need a forum in which to be heard. If you don’t provide them with a forum where they can be heard, there are many people who will, and those people don’t have your heart, and they don’t really care about your children. Parents must understand what motivates their children, what interests them, what music they listen to, which books they read, and who they consider to be their heroes.

Parents who don’t know what music their children listen to are out of touch. Today’s musicians and entertainers tell teens to get high, kill, steal, rape, and rebel. Stop by your nearest music store and read the lyrics to popular songs. Or check out the lyrics of the songs on the Internet. If you know what music your children listen to, you have a better idea of where their heads are. You won’t be able to become a teenager again, but you must learn how to relate to your teenager. Ask your teens questions such as, “What are some of the new sayings among teens today? What do they mean?” Parents may assume a lot and yet know very little.

 

-Kingdom Parenting (Connecting Principles)

How To Relate To Your Teenage Children By David Burrows

Earning The Respect of Your Teenage Children By David Burrows

 Parents should care for their children.

Scripture states, “…Children are a reward from Him” (Ps. 127:3 NIV). However, in today’s busy and mixed-up society, children are very frequently seen more as a burden than as a treasure. Parents sometimes don’t care about or for their children. Caring does not mean simply providing for their children’s daily needs; it also means teaching them the difference between right and wrong and taking time to see that their concerns are taken care of and their questions about life are answered.

A parent who cares will spend time with his or her children and talk to them about what the children want to talk about. Many teens become distant from their parents because of their parents’ one-way communication with them. Some parents only talk to their children when the children are in trouble or when they failed to carry out an assigned task.

Ask teens about their favorite music group or their favorite basketball team or player. Ask them about school, their friends, and their plans for the future. The more you talk with them, the more you learn about them. Parents must take good care of what God has entrusted to them.

 

Parents are supposed to discipline their children.

The issue of discipline is a big one for both parents and teens. Teenagers know that discipline is a painful part of love, and they actually want to be disciplined. A parent who takes time to correct a young person may not be liked at the moment when the discipline is administered, but he or she will be respected.

The Bible states very clearly that if you ignore discipline, your children will go astray. How many times have you seen a spoiled brat? Worse yet, a rich spoiled brat? No one likes to be around that type of child—discipline gives your children an advantage beyond monetary. Of course, when a child reaches those teen years, the methods of discipline employed by the parents should change.

Younger children often need physical discipline. However, if a child has been under your care for 13 years and does not respond to your discipline, you must not have disciplined properly during the earlier years. In such a case physical punishment is no longer the answer. The revocation of privileges, added chores, stricter curfews, restrictions as to where they can go, or reduced allowances can be used to discipline a teen. Keep in mind that the discipline needs to be appropriate for the given situation.

 

-Kingdom Parenting (Connecting Principles)

Earning The Respect of Your Teenage Children By David Burrows

RELATING TO TEENS BY DAVID BURROWS

How do parents earn the respect of their children and retain the rights inherent in their position?

 Parents should provide for their children.

It is the responsibility of parents to provide for their children. Children do not ask to be born. Whenever children are brought into this world, the parent or parents have the responsibility of providing all the necessities for their children, according to the parents’ abilities to do so. Note what the Bible says concerning this responsibility:
…After all, children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children

(2 Corinthians 12:14 NIV).

Parents should provide food, shelter, and clothing for their children in line with their ability to do so. Parents should not waste money by buying everything their children desire, however. Many times children lack discretion; as a result, they would buy anything they could. After all, they don’t have to work. You should not have children if you are not prepared to provide for them.

 

 Parents should not provoke their children.

Parents should not abuse the authority God gave to them by abusing their children, by failing to provide for them, or by living a life of double standards. “Provoking children” could mean being too restrictive, abusive, or unfair with regard to expectations or living contrary to God’s Word and still expecting children to obey without question. Note again what the Bible says:
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4 NIV).

Parents should remember that their teens are only a few years away from becoming parents themselves. The teenagers of today will become the parents of tomorrow. Today’s parents must ensure that their way of life does not drive their children in the wrong direction. Rather, their lifestyle should point young people toward the path they want them to follow.

 

-Kingdom Parenting (Connecting Principles)

RELATING TO TEENS BY DAVID BURROWS